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Couples Therapy Anchor
Flowers

Love is not how you forget but how you forgive.
Not how you listen but how you understand.
Not what you see but how you feel.
And not how you let go but how you hold on.
– Unknown

Couples Therapy

Common Concerns:

  • Communication difficulties

  • Repeating the same arguments

  • Learning to de-escalate conflict

  • Money & finances

  • In-law difficulties

  • Aging parents

  • Sex & intimacy

  • Regaining emotional closeness & friendship

  • Expressing love & nurturance

  • Effective problem-solving

  • Parenting issues

  • Division of chores

  • Family time/work balance

  • Developing a vision for the future

  • Dealing with betrayal & affairs

  • Deciding to keep trying or end the relationship

The essence of love relationships

 

Being in a partnership in which we feel loved, understood, appreciated in our finest qualities and quirks, and accepted in all our flaws, can be one of the most meaningful experiences in life.  It’s not easy:  We quickly learn that love does not conquer all.

Every couple has disagreements and issues they have trouble resolving.  Some of these are straightforward and can be addressed more quickly and easily in the presence of an outside person to help you define the issue, examine options, and choose the best solution among imperfect choices. 

Other problems can lead to extreme distress — as conflict or withdrawal escalate, the very future of the relationship can be threatened.

In this instance, the same issues appear and reappear in different forms, and the relationship deteriorates, whether gradually or abruptly.  Resentment, anger, and feelings of being misunderstood or unheard can build; emotional safety, physical intimacy, and the reservoir of goodwill and friendship — the foundation of love relationships — are at risk or gone.

The core of couples therapy

 

Couples therapy begins with learning to communicate for a deeper understanding of each other’s experience.  I help you identify unhealthy patterns of communication and learn to truly hear each other and respond from a place of empathy and understanding rather than from defensiveness or judgment. 

 

I help you practice speaking from your own experience when there are disagreements or conflict, rather than judging the other's mistakes or wrongdoings, or opining as to whether the other's response makes logical sense or represents an overreaction.

 

When each partner feels heard, they become open to taking responsibility for the impact of their actions on the other regardless of their intent, and are better able to lovingly meet each other’s needs.  You’ll gain the skills necessary to de-escalate arguments before they build too far and regardless of who "started it."  We’ll also examine ways to make each other feel loved and appreciated.

 

Having rebuilt the foundation of friendship and good will, you can productively resolve disagreements and restore emotional and physical intimacy.  It becomes exciting to develop a vision for your future together.

If my description of this journey in therapy resonates with you, please contact me so that we can discuss your needs. 
I look forward to speaking with you!

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